There are mountain of inclination about the “ weird ” Barbie dame on the internet , but they only scratch the surface of the insane , sometimes terrorise world of the well - betray dolly . Here are 20 all substantial , prescribed Barbies that shew she has n’t just conquered fille toy , she may have literally conquered the macrocosm .
1 ) The Birds Barbie
permit ’s start with the obvious : the anatomy where Barbie is about to be murdered by birds . Birds who are include in the goddamn packaging . I sleep with there have been many flick - urge Barbies , particularly in the gatherer world . But the Hunger Games Barbie did n’t come with Tracker Jackers seconds off from impaling her with toxicant stingers .
2 ) short Red Riding Hood and the Wolf Barbie
I ’d be inclined to take Barbie to labor for coif up in her best knee - high fishnet stockings to visit her gran , but hey , it ’s none of my business concern . She can dresses how she want to . I can , however , wonder why she appear to be smuggling to medium - sized duffle bag in her hair , or if perhaps she has something more useful to bring her grandma than bread and magazines . But mostly I want to luff out that Barbie apparently survive in a Dr. Moreau - breathe in nightmare world of anthropomorphic beast multitude that want to eat and/or sexually dishonor human women .
3 ) Haunted Beauty Mistress of the Manor Barbie
BARBIE HAS LOST HER diddly-squat . For the track record , I do recognise the idea of Barbie turning into a murderous spinster is kind of awesome , but allow ’s be clear : It ’s awesome because it ’s so disturbing . A few years later , she can be backpack with a decrepit , cobweb - cover wedding patty and be Miss Havisham Barbie from Great Expectations .
4 ) Lounge Kitties Barbie
I know when I get done with a knockout day of blogging spiteful horseshit in the cyberspace , I wish to log off my estimator , put on my best leopard - publish bodysuit , cat pinna and tail end , and just lounge around for the residuum of the evening . Still , I ’ve been inform that other people guess our loungewear is curious , and thus have been compelled to admit it here .
5 ) Empress of the Aliens Barbie
Well , this actually makes a set of good sense , in retrospect . Why else would she be trying out so many human professions ? Why the fascination with the entireness of human pop civilization instead of just a few favorite domain like most the great unwashed ? She was doing enquiry for her imminent foreign intrusion , that ’s why .
6 ) Tooth Fairy Barbie
I do n’t know about you , but I find the theme that Barbie spends her evenings collapse into children ’s bedrooms to steal their teeth for some unknown , monstrous role unbelievably fucking troubling .
7 ) Together Forever Barbie and Ken as Romeo and Juliet
I ’m a bit vague on how the Shakespeare play finish , but Romeo and Juliet end up together eternally , right ? That tick off out .
- Marie Antoinette Barbie
A.k.a . “ The Proletariat Will Only Take So Much Shit Barbie . ” I do apprise the extra - long neck they give her , which should make forcing her into a toy - sized guillotine a lot more commodious .
9 ) Goddess of the Galaxy Barbie
Holy shit . Is … is this Empress of the Aliens Barbie , having taken her rightful place as conqueror of the beetleweed ? Has she become an real divinity now ? Should we throw aside out Judeo - Christian theology to idolize Barbie , lest her infinite alien armada comes to destruct all life on the dry land ? I ’m thinking “ yes . ”
10 ) Elvis and Priscilla Barbie Gift Set
From the prescribed description :
One of the smashing love story of the twentieth century , the romance between the King of Rock ‘ n ’ Roll and Priscilla is fabled .
fabled because it start when Priscilla was 14 years old and Elvis was 24 !
Priscilla Beaulieu captured Elvis Presley ’s heart and he swept her off her feet !
He collapse her pills and upper on her first visit to see him !
On May 1 , 1967 , Las Vegas hymeneals bells rang for Elvis and Priscilla .
Only after Priscilla ’s father threatened he would blame him with “ taking a minor across state lines for intimate purposes ” if he did n’t !
Dressed in a black paisley print tuxedo and black boots , the bridegroom is ready to once again exchange ring with his beautiful Saint Bride .
Which he had to do , and was so miserable about he literally cried about it !
11 ) George Washington Barbie
Now you ’re fuck get the picture at chaff , Barbie . Either cosplay as George Washington or bust something monstrously pink ; you do n’t get to do both .
I suppose I should just be beaming that there ’s no Abraham Lincoln Barbie with beard and a giant pink top hat on .
12 ) Coca - Cola Cheerleader Barbie
Does … does the Coca - Cola corporation have a make up squad of cheerleaders on staff ? They sure as shooting do n’t playact any sporting case , so they just hang around the boardroom and wait for the executives to make fiscally responsible conclusion ? Or are they prostitutes give to dress up like cheerleaders for upper direction ? I ’m really worried it ’s the latter .
13 ) Mad Men Betty Draper Barbie
As a reminder , there is a Barbie of this fictional character :
This is 100 % awing , but it is also very , very strange .
14 ) Pop Icon Barbie
I ca n’t even opine the hubris it would require to custom - order a interior designer wearing apparel with your face on it . Like , who else would do that ? Madonna perhaps ? Lady Gaga ? Bono , probably , for certain . But all of those mass are musicians despairing to see uptight , while Barbie presumably just really fucking loves herself .
15 ) Shoe Obsession Barbie
To be fair , “ Shoe Obsession Barbie ” is reasonably more appealing than “ Shoe Compulsion Barbie , ” “ Shoe Hoarder Barbie , ” and “ Desperately in Debt Because of a Very Real Psychological Issue Barbie . ”
16 ) Barbie As Medusa
Barbie is really committed to her message that little girls can get up to be anything ! A stewardess ! The President ! Or even a hair-raising snake - hag whose very gaze turns the unwary into stone for all eternity !
17 ) Rendevous Barbie
Uh , “ peradventure Someone Should Check to See If Barbie Had a Stroke Barbie . ” What in god ’s name is she wear ? It ’s like she was possessed by the tone of my 1988 Trapper Keeper . And speaking of booze …
18 ) stalk Beauty Ghost Barbie
HOLY SHIT SOMEONE MURDERED BARBIE AND NOW SHE ’S TRAPPED BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH UNABLE TO MOVE ON TO THE hereafter . Hey , that explains why there are so many doll of Barbie as an backer ! It ’s after she enacts her horrible vengeance on the living and finally finds ataraxis !
19 ) Jude Deveraux ’s The Raider Barbie and Ken
Ha ha , it ’s a doll of Fabio ( or a Fauxbio , I ca n’t be bothered to check ) and someone cleavage - bear woman from the binding of some pop harlequin romance book ! That ’s kinda wacky ! But is it really disturbing ? Hmm , let me quickly crack the Good Book and see …
He kissed her again . “ You have a pick . We make love tonight on the soft cool sand or I ravish you tonight on the sharp rock . ”
IN IT pass .
20 ) Barbie Is Eternal Barbie
HOLY SHIT BARBIE WE GET THE PICTURE YOU ARE OUR GOD NOW ARE WE SHALL revere NO OTHERS ABOVE YOU
All images from the amazingBarbieCollector.com .
BarbieDolls
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