Photo: Michael Kovac/Getty; Jamie McCarthy/Getty
Nico Tortorellais baring all in a new book about sexuality, past loves and substance abuse.
InSpace Between, Tortorella, who identifies as a “queer, non-binary, bisexual” (and prefers the pronouns “they” and “them”), remembers an embarrassing moment whenAshton Kutcherallegedly yelled at them for getting high at a cast party. The encounter was a “wake-up call,” Tortorella tells PEOPLE.
“As a queer person, unfortunately the way that we usually find each other is in bars,” theYoungerstar says. “It really lends to the fostering of addiction and alcohol and drug issues. I obviously went down that path quite a few times in my life. Only when I was really able to let go of that crutch was I able to really find myself.”
Space Betweendetails Tortorella’s many drug- and alcohol-fueled benders before they achieved sobriety. Tortorella was in the midst of one of these benders when Kutcher intervened.
The actor.Matt Martin
“Don’t ever put anything up your nose,” Kutcher told Tortorella, according to the book.
“I’d literally just come out of the bathroom from doing a handful of key bumps,” Tortorella writes. “Ashton’s a smart dude, and he very quickly realized I was high. He got in my face and started yelling at me, telling me I was flushing my entire career down my nose in front of everyone, includingDemi Mooreand Bruce Willis.”
Though Tortorella was “embarrassed,” the star said they were so high that they stood up to Kutcher.
“In my mind I was hyper-calm and in control, telling him this wasn’t the place to have an argument like this,” writes Tortorella, “when in actuality my jaw was probably doing the Macarena as I was blaming everyone else.”
The next morning, Tortorella regretted the outburst and worried they would get fired. Tortorella sent Kutcher a long apology email. According toSpace Between,Kutcher’s reply was short.
“Life is not a dress rehearsal, Nico.” Kutcher allegedly wrote back. “You either show up, or you’re out.”
Though Tortorella learned from that embarrassing interaction, they also wish Kutcher had responded differently.
“It absolutely was a f—ing wake up call. Do I think that he handled it in the best way possible? No, absolutely not,” Tortorella says. “Should I have been doing those things around my bosses at that moment? No, probably not. But if he or anyone in that moment actually cared about me, there would have been a way to sit down and have that conversation in a meaningful, helpful manner.”
Shortly after the party, the show was canceled. Tortorella, who never let drugs and alcohol interfere with work again, has only seen Kutcher once since.
“He doesn’t owe me anything at all, I’m not looking for anything from Ashton at this point in my life,” the star says. “But come on dude, he was probably my age now when that was happening. If something was going on between me and one of the kids I was working with now, I would handle it so differently. Ashton is an incredible business man and has built a f—ing empire. But, you know, could have used a little bit more help there, bud.”
A rep for Kutcher did not return PEOPLE’s request for comment.
“That line [in my book], ‘I wasn’t born in the wrong body, I was born into the wrong world,’ that’s really it for me,” Tortorella says. “Moving forward, I’m like, ‘Okay, it’s the wrong world right now. What can we do while we’re here to make it a little bit better?'”
Space Betweenis on sale now.
source: people.com
