It ’s been 30 year since the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man first splash through Manhattan . WithGhostbusters returning to theatre of operations tomorrow for an anniversary run , we think it appropriate to consider a very serious interrogation : How would New York City in reality press an evil divinity in the form of a marshmallow gentleman’s gentleman ? Stickiness and spoilers ensue .
Now , for the sake of making this a legit late summertime afternoon intend experiment , guess there are no ghostbusters and no proton pack in this earthly concern . Who you gon na call ? really , make it into two questions : Who you gon na call to struggle Mr. Stay Puft , and who you gon na call to cleanse up his fresh sweet-smelling marshmallow guts ?
How to Battle a Giant Marshmallow Man
As you might call back ( or not ) , when vicious Gozer the Gozerian first enter through a supernatural portal on the Upper West Side , he / she / it seem in the form of a woman dressed in David Bowie custume . Gozer then tells the Ghostbuster gang to “ opt the contour of The Destructor , ” and Dan Aykroyd thinks of “ something that could never , ever peradventure destroy us ! Mr. detain Puft ! ” Enter Marshmallow Man .
A video assess the possible damage done by Mr. Stay Puft , made by Cube Cities , a building visualization company .
Who would you call ? Well it seems plausible to assumesomeone might recognise a supernatural portal site constitute over 55 Central Park West , setting off an evacuation of the Upper West Side . Evacuations in New York City are coordinated by the Office of Emergency Management . But cave in the size and unique danger lay by elephantine Marshmallow Man , the city is plausibly going to call for backup from the nation ’s Department of Homeland Security and Emergency Services .
“ We ’re like the mentality , ” say Kristin Devoe of the DHSES . “ All of your arms and legs and hands are the dissimilar governance agencies . ” Homeland Security , coordinating the response , could then call in the National Guard , and they could bring the firepower to take down Mr. Stay Puft .
For the purposes of this thought experimentation , rent ’s assume we just need to take down Mr. Stay Puft and not the entire supernatural portal . ( Because honestly , if a supernatural portal really opens , we ’re just fucked . ) Flamethrowers , which seem like the most obvious real - world weapon system with which to unfreeze a marshmallow , are no longer in the US military ’s armoury . In 1978 , the Department of Defense stopped using the flamethrower in part because it was too unstable . A taser on the other hand might melt a little patch of Marshmallow Man if you get decent next to one of its massive , downlike legs , but as the destructor ( presumptively ) does n’t have nerves or muscular tissue , a taser would n’t paralyze it .
If the metropolis did void the Upper West Side and surrounding neighborhoods — or hell , the whole island — then more muscular bombs could follow into play . TheAir Force ’s McGuire - Dix - Lakeshurst is a short 75 geographical mile away , and as Marshmallow Man does n’t look especially nimble I ’d imagine dangle a few bombs on him should n’t be very hard . The buildings of New York , however , might take a beating , presumably after an evacuation .
The Sweet, Sticky Aftermath
By bomb or flamethrower or proton pack , suppose we did manage to pillory Mister Marshmallow into smithereens . The cleanup effort would start out right forth . The DHSES told me there are stockpiles of equipment like tractors all over the state that can be mobilize to clean up detritus .
But there is a stickier job : Uptown Manhattan is now covered in melt marshmallow , nearly 2,000 lashings of it . I did the math .
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is exactly112.5 animal foot tallaccording to Ghostbusters ’ modeling shop class supervisor . To account for his plump arm and beer belly marshmallow stomach , let ’s assume he ’s about one - third wide as he is tall . And for the sake of simplicity , get ’s assume he ’s roughly a piston chamber , whose book convention we of course retrieve from the SATs .
Volume of MM = π(18.75)^2*(112.5 ) ≈ 124,000 cubic foot
But Marshmallow Man has presumably since melted and congeal , so it ’s more helpful to cerebrate of his multitude . Ordinary unmelted marshmallow is promiscuous and fluffy , with a density of about0.5 g / mL. Do a few conversions and we get the entire mass of sweet marshmallow gumption talk across Manhattan :
3,870,000 lbs or about 2,000 tons
And what exactly do you do with 2,000 tons of melt marshmallow ? To that terminal , I call up some folks who on a regular basis handle with marshmallow in industrial quantities : Just Born , the makers of beloved Peeps . “ This is belike the unearthly question you ’ve ever bring forth , ” I said . “ Yeah , it would emphatically have to grade up there , ” Sally , Just Born ’s customer sexual intercourse rep replied .
To get rid of melted marshmallow , you could take one of two tacks , Sally tell me . There ’s ice or insensate water to make the marshmallow brittle enough to chip off . Or there ’s hot body of water , so you could dethaw the sugary poppycock away . “ If you had marshmallow all over your building and your car , ” she said , “ I would say lovesome water over moth-eaten . ”
The Ghostbusters covered in marshmallow .
So , that leaves us with vast loudness of tepid moolah sirup streaming into sewers , where it flowsaway never to be seen directly into the hungry back talk of rats ( and cockroaches and emmet ) . 2,000 heaps of marshmallow is over 5 billion special Calorie for the hungry rodents . “ You ’re going to have a billow in the dirty dog population . You ’re going to have a frenzy , ” say Timothy Wong , expert theatre director ofM&M Pest Controlin New York .
When the marshmallow reserves are run down , the rats , which normally survive out of doors , are going to expect for nutrient in new places . “ They can easily go indoors and go into people ’s homes , ” he add up . That ’s assuming use up the marshmallow flesh of a reincarnated malevolent god does not give the rats superpowers , in which causa all strikebreaker bets would be off .
At the triumphant end of Ghostbusters , our heroes drive off into a cheer crowd . But next prison term you keep an eye on the picture show , you might think of the vermin . The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is likely to have a long , repelling legacy in New York City .
The Marshmallow Man consequence . Definitely not enough evaporate marshmallow .
Ghostbustersnew yorkNew York CityWhat If … ?
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